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Don't have a Kindle? Try the Kindle edition and experience these great reading features: Is this feature helpful? Thank you for your feedback. Share your thoughts with other customers. Write a customer review. See all customer images. Read reviews that mention must read highly recommend great book cloud and townsend boundaries in dating common sense dating goodbye looks like recommend this book henry cloud easy to read joshua harris great read high school great advice healthy relationships dating scene kissed dating book helped dating world.
Showing of reviews. Top Reviews Most recent Top Reviews. There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later. Kindle Edition Verified Purchase. I read this book because I was looking for material to use in conjunction with high school sex education material in a home school situation, so this review will focus on the benefits it has for discussion between parents and teens who are not yet or just beginning to be interested in dating. The book was written partially as a response to I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and the accompanying message preached in some Christian circles that dating is destructive, selfish, and inherently painful.
The authors disagree, and think dating, when done by healthy people working toward maturity, can facilitate important developmental processes that prepare you to be a good spouse, whether or not you marry the person you date.
I think it would make for interesting discussions to read the two books side by side. The authors are both psychologists with lots of counseling experience, so the advice they give is grounded in Christian psychology more than in Bible study or personal experience, which makes it different from what you find in some other books that are more pastoral in focus. They frequently back up what they say with Scripture passages and principles that support the concepts, but the many of the concepts themselves transference, co-dependence, parental bonding issues, etc.
This book is not geared toward high school students.
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A premise of the book is that dating is for adults. People who have not reached a certain level of maturity, who have not clearly identified their goals and values, have not taken ownership of their spiritual life and decisions, who do not know who they are and what they want in life will not likely have healthy relationships, and will wreak havoc on themselves and others.
So, the primary audience of the book is single, independent adults. But the authors acknowledge that age and maturity do not necessarily go hand in hand, and mature teens are perfectly capable of dating responsibly and productively. However young people living at home with their parents are not the primary audience.
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Much of the book presumes you have a dating past to analyze or a current serious relationship to work on, but the many of the discussions could still be valuable for teens who are not dating yet, because they present lots of examples of what healthy and unhealthy ways of relating look like. There is also good advice about how to start a relationship off well, how to set and maintain healthy personal boundaries, and how to guard against destructive patterns in relationships.
Here are some of the things I found particularly worthwhile: There is a lot of discussion of what it means to be honest in a relationship, and lots of scenarios that show what it looks like when someone is not being honest with themselves, or about themselves, what it looks like when someone else is not giving you space to be honest with them, and how much space you should give someone to learn and grow in their ability to be more honest.
There is a good section on what leading someone on looks like and how deceptive and very destructive it is. It discusses unhealthy patterns of relating and how to recognize when you are: There is also a list of deal breakers that no one should put up with in a relationship. Interestingly enough, top on the list is deception or lying. Some of the things should be no-brainers addiction, violence, faithlessness , but it also includes refusal to respect boundaries, and what that looks like. There is good information on how recognizing patterns in the kind of people you attract or are attracted to can help you identify areas of immaturity, brokenness, or unresolved hurt in your life that you need to address.
There is a valuable discussion of what to do if you notice a big split between the people you are attracted to romantically and the people you would choose as friends, since this is usually an indication that you need to deal with some hurt or unresolved issue in your own soul. Healthy people develop romantic feelings for people that make good friends too. This book encourages and equips people to work through issues in relationships, and use dating experiences to spur personal character development and movement toward more wholeness and maturity.
It gives lots of practical suggestions for how to try to work through a number of common problems before bailing on the relationship. It presents a multi-faceted rationale for abstinence before marriage without descending into unnecessary scare tactics or preachiness.
What it does not do: It presumes you accept the idea that Christians should date Christians. It might be beneficial to spend more time with a teen building a case for why. Dating is a topic on which I have a whole lot of head knowledge, but no real practical experience. But these good, God-honoring desires have been, by and large, unfulfilled. Christian dating has become so complicated! While traveling the country, speaking to singles about dating, the authors, psychologists Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, clearly noted the confusion which resulted from so many mixed messages floating around churches, college campuses, and other Christian young adult circles.
So this book addresses the common missteps in dating due to a lack of appropriate boundaries, as well as establishes the good benefits that result from healthy dating relationships, whether or not these relationships lead to the marriage altar.
Boundaries in Dating
Cloud and Townsend also discuss sexual boundaries, conflict, risk, romance, unresolved family problems and their impact on dating relationships, and other essential topics. After all, the One who designed emotional connections knows best how they are best conducted, in a way that is satisfying for us and glorifying to him. Originally published nearly 30 years ago, this perennial best-seller has gone on to change over 2 million lives. This version of Boundaries is the catch-all. It briefly dives into boundaries with spouses, children, and work. For further information on specific topics, check out our titles below.
Between singleness and marriage lies the journey of dating. Want a smoother journey? Set and maintain healthy boundaries. If many of your dating experiences have been difficult, this could revolutionize the way you handle relationships. Only when you and your mate know and respect each other's needs, choices, and freedom can you give yourselves lovingly to one another. This book helps you understand the friction points or serious hurts in your marriage, and move beyond them to the mutual care, respect, and intimacy you both long for.
Child-rearing can be a struggle, but healthy boundaries are the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for children and adults. To help teenagers grow into healthy adults, parents and youth workers need to teach them how to take responsibility for their behavior, their values, and their lives.
Would you like to tell us about a lower price? Want to make your road as smooth as possible? Set and maintain healthy boundaries--boundaries that will help you grow in freedom, honesty, and self-control. If many of your dating experiences have been difficult, Boundaries in Dating could revolutionize the way you handle relationships.
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